Who are you people?

I’ve been of this world for some years now, a few of you may have even seen me in the street, I was the one scowling at you as your semen appreciably dribbled down your drunken girlfriend’s leg. However for all these years that I have held a position of contempt and sadism on this earth, I have never once taken to society’s rims and combined this innate hatred of mankind with my desire to stick my genitals in new and interesting things. That is not so for everyone, as there are literally thousands of people and conservative ministers who on a daily basis get sexually aroused by the act of giving or receiving pain, either physical or emotional. Now literally three of you may be surprised that such people could possibly exist, this may be because you blankly cover your eyes, ears and arse when running from building to building in the hope of not coming into contact with cultures in any way, shape or form - but I am not here to judge anyone, only to swear inordinately in their direction so that they shut up, disappear or end their lives as quickly and quietly as possible.

Let’s stamp one thing down into our petty brains now: I am not a prude, a moral crusader, or a small two bedroom flat in Aldershot. I’ve been to fetish clubs, I’ve seen my cat’s worth of curiosities; I don’t partake but that’s just my way, if the mountain won’t come to Muhammad then the mountain can just fuck right off is what I always say. Fuck, these are the kinds of people that leave me picking bits of hard-on out of my shorts for weeks to come. However there is a vast difference between accepting and tolerating the existence of someone and agreeing not to hammer the tiny stupid faces of every man woman and child (well maybe not child) that shits foul latex clad borderline-religious bollocks at me. I have realised that you have unusual and different sex, I don’t think at any point I stopped realising that you have unusual and different sex, I don’t see why you keep telling me that you have unusual and different sex. What’s that? Because it’s better? Is it now? I suppose it’s better in the way that rock is better than pop, books are greater than films, or that Jesus could beat the shit out of the Holy Ghost. Now you should listen up because this bit is important, if your entire meaning and justification for existence hinges on the fact that your subculture acts out Hammer horror films whilst having sex then you should prepare your rectum for rapid head evacuation.

Now this doesn’t just go out to BDSM, this is for subcultures, ‘hard workers’, religions and anyone else who is so scared by the uncertainty and possibility of a hostile cosmos that they have to rank people based on the amount they have performed an arbitrary task. So you're a sado-neo-proto technophile, you're the newest ten second social rebellion. Well done, now fucking grow up. Living isn’t a simple task and I would expect a certain degree of discrepancy and disagreement as to whether there are any values or ambitions we can live by, I would expect and encourage conversation and discussion between peoples on what to aim for or how they want or should spend their time, what I do not expect is people to be convinced they are living a better life because their garage has three cars in it instead of two and they get a blowjob on the weekends. I live by the principle that if you do not understand something then you should accept so and try to learn, similarly if you are too much of a mentally crippled human being to survive the prospect of uncertain and immeasurable goals then using your own cock length as a philosophical yardstick is not a reasoned alternative.

Please feel free to stop me if you think I’m off the mark, if you think that the act of validating people’s lives based on whatever fad is in the mind of Vogue’s editor that month is somehow a well thought out and valid way for humans to lead their lives. I’m sure that the best people to attest that these beliefs are valid and constructive are the frightened, scared and confused of the world who grasp out in need of help or aid but only receive the fragile support of an empty shell. Yes, I’m sure what they really needed was that league table of achievement you gave them. And for all the rest of you trying to fuck yourselves to enlightenment, don’t believe your own hype.

I love you people, just stay the fuck away from me.